our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
