you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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