And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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