watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
