Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
