If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
