he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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