this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
