We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize