Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
