It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
