dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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