'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
