Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
