I'm eating all of the evidence.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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