Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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