theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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