Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
