I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just cropdusted the office
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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