Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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