I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
