his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We named our party play list daddy issues
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
