I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
