i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
