What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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