I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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