I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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