worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
