bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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