operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
