As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
