I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
