Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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