Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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