he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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