i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
