Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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