I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
