Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
