: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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