Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
