My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
