i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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