I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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