Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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