she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
