i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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