i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Couch. On fire.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
