Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
