I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
