i can't believe i had my finger in that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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