We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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