So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Blood and glitter go together right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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