so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
