and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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