i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
