I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
