Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
