Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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