I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
