Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize