He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
