my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
