oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
