YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
