Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
