ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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