Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
