Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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