just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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