He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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