On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
