Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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