i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
