When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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