It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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