Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
